55 strange things teachers have had to say to their students!

If you’re a teacher you know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re in the middle of a lesson and a student does something that makes you think “What the actual F is that kid doing” and then of course you have to remind him or her that their behavior isn’t exactly…..appropriate or something that they should be doing.

I’ve only been in the classroom for 3 years now so I don’t have that many of these stories. So, to help me out I reached out to some of my teacher friends on Facebook and I got 55 hilarious…and sometimes shocking things that they have had to say to their students! Here they are….


  1. We don’t lick lab stations
  2. Chewing on your ID means you’re eating feces
  3. Please stop poking your neighbor in the eye with your scissors
  4. During an All County Principal Observation one of my special friends said “Cause they’re all looking at us right?!?” “Yes, you pay attention to me. Don’t worry about them” “Especially that guy with the big bald head!” “Riiight let’s not about about anyone else okay?”
  5. We don’t eat our snacks in the bathroom
  6. Boys we don’t use the bathroom outside at recess
  7. During graduation “ no cell phone checks” do you have a phone hidden in your pockets? Bosom? No, no need to honk them at me ladies.
  8. Untie your shoes from the desk so we can go to lunch
  9. Don’t throw your Capri Sun at me because you don’t like the flavor I gave you
  10. Please don’t place your fingers in the pencil sharpener to “test it”
  11. We don’t leave the classroom without permission to answer your cell phone…even if it is your mother calling you
  12. Don’t lick or chew on the bottom of your shoe
  13. Please don’t tell me you need to change your pad or tampon, or that you have to pee. A simple “may I go to the restroom” will do.
  14. Please don’t spray my expo cleaner in your eyes
  15. The vocab word is “masticate” you hormonal teenagers
  16. Please don’t lick your knees
  17. No you can’t rip up your paper, and please don’t rip up your neighbors either
  18. No you can’t smell my breath to see what I had for breakfast
  19. You cannot and do not get pregnant from a toilet seat
  20. The movie Pearl Harbor is based on a true story
  21. I’m sorry you locked your pants to your chair….but I told you not to play with your PE lock in class
  22. Please don’t use your glue stick as chapstick….or eat it….
  23. Please don’t lick the pencil sharpener
  24. Please stop passing out fried chicken from your purse in the middle of my lesson
  25. Please don’t pee in the soap dispenser
  26. Please don’t pee in a bottle on a field trip bus
  27. Please don’t color your entire folder with my white out
  28. White out is not for painting your nails
  29. Permanent markers are not an alternative for nail art designs
  30. The phone charging station is not also a flat iron charging station
  31. Please stop watching air traffic control and work on your history assignment
  32. Please stop shouting “bekfast”
  33. We don’t inchworm across the carpet because your new underwear tickles
  34. We pee in the toilet, not on our friend’s leg
  35. Please don’t lick your shoes
  36. Please don’t bite your friends (to a 3rd grader)
  37. No you cannot sell honey buns, pickled sausages, and sparkling ice out of your gym bag during class
  38. This assignment is supposed to be about a marine animal…sponge bob is NOT a marine animal
  39. It is not okay to peel the sausage and pretend to give it oral sex in the cafeteria
  40. A fart in a jar is not an appropriate gift
  41. I’m sure that breasts do feel like clouds but it’s not okay to touch hers in class
  42. “Hey honey bun….I need help!” “Please call me Teacher or Ms. H…thanks”
  43. After finding a mysterious fresh pile of poo on the bus during a field trip into the city, I had to discuss the importance of letting me know when they needed to use the restroom in an emergency instead of going on a moving bus (5th grade)
  44. Please don’t eat beetles on the playground
  45. No astronauts do not go to outer space to pee diamonds
  46. When Ebola was in the news…every time someone sneezed or coughed someone else would shout “ebola!” Every.Single.time the whole school year! I teach middle school I had to say quit shouting Ebola!
  47. Will you please stop eating your math book!?!?
  48. We do not poop in our pockets and no I am not touching it to get it out
  49. Please stop “dabbing on your haters” during class
  50. We don’t poop in the urinals
  51. No you can’t lick my foot
  52. No you cannot pick your friends nose..
  53. Please don’t lick the desk
  54. Please stop huffing my diffuser…it will not make you high
  55. Me: (reminding them of a due date) when is the assignment due? Student: October 32nd Me: Ummm no….there is no 32nd of any month….it’s due November 1st (6th grade)


If those didn’t make you laugh, then I don’t know what will! When I was reading some of them I was cracking up. I won’t lie I cringed at a few of them too.

Are you a teacher or do you work with kids/have kids? Do you have a funny story like one of these?? Please leave it in the comments below I would love to hear it!

Xoxo Shelby


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